Thursday, December 2, 2010
It all starts here
Right, so all the posts prior to this one are copied from my old MySpace blog. I've been meaning to do that forever. KL and Dan Chan have been after me to get this started, and I thank them both for pushing me. I do love a bit of a blag, I mean blog, so sit back, relax, and I'll begin.
So you got new shoes, huh?
I saw a girl today walking down the street in her nice new shoes. How could I tell? Were they gleaming and shiny as she click-clacked down the street? Did she occasionally glance down to admire them as she sauntered past?
Did she fuck. She scraped her battered heels down the street like a worn out piece of chalk. She looked down-trodden and beaten by life. But she still held onto the day her shoes were new.
How do I know all this you ask? Do I have amazing powers of observation that should send me sky-rocketting into a TV career? Well, no, actually. She still had the bloody stickers on the bottom of her shoes from when she bought them two seasons ago. Argh! I scream inside everytime I see this. Do you keep the price and size tag on your new shirt? Do you retain and proudly display that odd bit of paper sewn into the back of your new jeans? Well take the fucking price tag off the bottom of your shoes! Just cos you're so lazy that you can't be arsed spending 5 seconds of your life to take off that sticker doesn't mean I have to see it each time you take a step. You shit me. You really do.
You think I'm being too harsh? Look out for it. You'll be amazed at how many women (and some men) do it. It will drive you crazy now I've mentioned it.
Did she fuck. She scraped her battered heels down the street like a worn out piece of chalk. She looked down-trodden and beaten by life. But she still held onto the day her shoes were new.
How do I know all this you ask? Do I have amazing powers of observation that should send me sky-rocketting into a TV career? Well, no, actually. She still had the bloody stickers on the bottom of her shoes from when she bought them two seasons ago. Argh! I scream inside everytime I see this. Do you keep the price and size tag on your new shirt? Do you retain and proudly display that odd bit of paper sewn into the back of your new jeans? Well take the fucking price tag off the bottom of your shoes! Just cos you're so lazy that you can't be arsed spending 5 seconds of your life to take off that sticker doesn't mean I have to see it each time you take a step. You shit me. You really do.
You think I'm being too harsh? Look out for it. You'll be amazed at how many women (and some men) do it. It will drive you crazy now I've mentioned it.
Word of the month: C*nt
Warning: If you are offended by this word, get off my friends list now. You don't belong here!
Word of the month for December: C*nt
Go on, use it in a sentence now. Grab a beer, climb on the roof and shout it to the stars. It will feel fantastic. Tell your girlfriend she has a lovely cunt and you want to see it. Whisper it in her ear three times. Use it daily. Never use it in a bad way. Use it with a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye. It is a lovely word and should be used in lovely ways. Go on, you know you want to!
Word of the month for December: C*nt
Go on, use it in a sentence now. Grab a beer, climb on the roof and shout it to the stars. It will feel fantastic. Tell your girlfriend she has a lovely cunt and you want to see it. Whisper it in her ear three times. Use it daily. Never use it in a bad way. Use it with a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye. It is a lovely word and should be used in lovely ways. Go on, you know you want to!
Word of the month: Vanilla
The word of the month for January is: Vanilla
It's a new word that's gonna catch on big time, and you heard it here first. It's meaning is generally, plain, ordinary, not very interesting, although there have been a few conversations lately about how vanilla is perhaps more tasty than, say, chocolate. Contraversial *looks over shoulder* indeed.
Here's some examples of how you could use vanilla in a sentence:
"Oh, he's so vanilla, but his friend is hot chocolate."
"We had vanilla sex last night. Not even a bit of chocolate coating." (yes, there's a not-so-subtle joke in there too)
"Sorry, you can't come in, you're too vanilla."
"I don't do vanilla."
"Oh, they were all so vanilla."
Get using it at midnight on NYE, or be vanilla!
It's a new word that's gonna catch on big time, and you heard it here first. It's meaning is generally, plain, ordinary, not very interesting, although there have been a few conversations lately about how vanilla is perhaps more tasty than, say, chocolate. Contraversial *looks over shoulder* indeed.
Here's some examples of how you could use vanilla in a sentence:
"Oh, he's so vanilla, but his friend is hot chocolate."
"We had vanilla sex last night. Not even a bit of chocolate coating." (yes, there's a not-so-subtle joke in there too)
"Sorry, you can't come in, you're too vanilla."
"I don't do vanilla."
"Oh, they were all so vanilla."
Get using it at midnight on NYE, or be vanilla!
Phrase of the month: Saturday Night Love
The phrase of the month for February is: Saturday Night Love
This phrase is to be used after meeting someone out on a Saturday night. You meet them. You get along fabulously and use phrases with each other such as "You rock", "You're amazing", "Marry me right now", and "I've never met anyone as ace as you". They are not vanilla to you. You feel like you want to hang out with them for hours and hours. Maybe you do. Maybe the drugs and booze wear off and you start to think differently. Perhaps you arrange to meet during the week, hang out, share that rare record, start a band together, or just go to the pub. Neither of you call each other. Maybe you run into them the following weekend and you just can't see why you got so excited. This, my friend, is called "Saturday Night Love". The love that booze, drugs, sex and lack of sleep can bring on.
I also want someone to write a song about this, but you have to dedicate it to me, send me the song, and give me all royalties. Oh, just sending me the song will be enough.
This phrase is to be used after meeting someone out on a Saturday night. You meet them. You get along fabulously and use phrases with each other such as "You rock", "You're amazing", "Marry me right now", and "I've never met anyone as ace as you". They are not vanilla to you. You feel like you want to hang out with them for hours and hours. Maybe you do. Maybe the drugs and booze wear off and you start to think differently. Perhaps you arrange to meet during the week, hang out, share that rare record, start a band together, or just go to the pub. Neither of you call each other. Maybe you run into them the following weekend and you just can't see why you got so excited. This, my friend, is called "Saturday Night Love". The love that booze, drugs, sex and lack of sleep can bring on.
I also want someone to write a song about this, but you have to dedicate it to me, send me the song, and give me all royalties. Oh, just sending me the song will be enough.
Saturday Night Love
My new and lovely friend, Princess Michael of Kent, has taken up the challenge to write a song about Saturday Night Love. He wrote this and emailed it to me within a couple of hours of me posting my February Phrase of the Month blog. How ace is Princess? Fucking ace I say.
So here's his song. Full rights and copyright to Michael, and nobody else, so don't go nicking his song or I'll do ya (and not in the good way).
Saturday Night Love -MB300106
(slowly and intently)
Bm D G D
12 percent of people are worth knowing
A D G D
And I think I'm being generous at that
Bm D G D
The proportion of arseholes is growing
A D G D
Most are facile and docile and sad
Once in a while someone is different
And it's the good kind of deja vu
You feel like they're a friend you've known forever
You just forgot where you left them for a moment or two
Ch:
Em *(hold 7th) A* D G*
You say it was Saturday Night Love
Em* A* D G*
I say, no smoke without fire
Em *(hold 7th) A* D G*
But you can say it was Saturday Night Love
Em* A* D G*
Cause I like you, so I don't mind
Em* A* D G*
I don't mind ...
And I admit alcohol was involved
I admit drugs might've played their part
But you can say what you mean when you write, love
Instead of putting up a front at the start
So what happens if it's Saturday Night Love?
Everybody's always trying to find love
And the blind are still leading the blind ...
When it comes to love ...
Rpt Chorus
Em* A* D G*
I like the Saturday Night Love
And I like you so I don't mind
I like the Saturday Night Love
And I like you so I don't mind
So here's his song. Full rights and copyright to Michael, and nobody else, so don't go nicking his song or I'll do ya (and not in the good way).
Saturday Night Love -MB300106
(slowly and intently)
Bm D G D
12 percent of people are worth knowing
A D G D
And I think I'm being generous at that
Bm D G D
The proportion of arseholes is growing
A D G D
Most are facile and docile and sad
Once in a while someone is different
And it's the good kind of deja vu
You feel like they're a friend you've known forever
You just forgot where you left them for a moment or two
Ch:
Em *(hold 7th) A* D G*
You say it was Saturday Night Love
Em* A* D G*
I say, no smoke without fire
Em *(hold 7th) A* D G*
But you can say it was Saturday Night Love
Em* A* D G*
Cause I like you, so I don't mind
Em* A* D G*
I don't mind ...
And I admit alcohol was involved
I admit drugs might've played their part
But you can say what you mean when you write, love
Instead of putting up a front at the start
So what happens if it's Saturday Night Love?
Everybody's always trying to find love
And the blind are still leading the blind ...
When it comes to love ...
Rpt Chorus
Em* A* D G*
I like the Saturday Night Love
And I like you so I don't mind
I like the Saturday Night Love
And I like you so I don't mind
Phrase of the month: We've got a bleeder!
Phrase of the month for March: We've got a bleeder!
To be used when someone is banging on and being a victim about something that isn't working in their life, and to put it nice and ever so subtly, you're sick of listening to them. The moaning, the woe-is-me, the inability to see that it's their fucking fault and they are too pathetic to fix their own lives, you have the power to stop it with these simple words.
So once the victim has tried to manipulate and enrol others in how fucking hard their life is, "We've got a bleeder!" will stop their bullshit. Shout it out like George Clooney in ER and you will find it will stop the white noise that the "victim" is making.
It's nasty, patronising and smart arsed, but it will shut them the fuck up and you can get on with the business of enjoying your life, and not having to listening to the bore. Now go forth and piss people off!
To be used when someone is banging on and being a victim about something that isn't working in their life, and to put it nice and ever so subtly, you're sick of listening to them. The moaning, the woe-is-me, the inability to see that it's their fucking fault and they are too pathetic to fix their own lives, you have the power to stop it with these simple words.
So once the victim has tried to manipulate and enrol others in how fucking hard their life is, "We've got a bleeder!" will stop their bullshit. Shout it out like George Clooney in ER and you will find it will stop the white noise that the "victim" is making.
It's nasty, patronising and smart arsed, but it will shut them the fuck up and you can get on with the business of enjoying your life, and not having to listening to the bore. Now go forth and piss people off!
Mirror Mondays
I was just thinking that Mondays are the day to reflect. You reflect on everything that happened at the weekend. You ponder. You make decisions about next weekend. Monday is the day of reflection. Mirror Mondays. I like that.
It's just another Mirror Monday.
It's just another Mirror Monday.
Phrase of the month: Suck it up
I'm a bit slow this month. I've not really been in a myspace mood, but I figured I couldn't leave my readership (assuming any of you do read these things) waiting for a moment longer. So here's the phrase of the month for April.
Suck it up, or suck it up, bitch
If someone's jealous of you in any way, tell them to suck it up, bitch. It's preferable if the bitch in question is actually a bloke. I love calling men bitches. It works, really.
If someone pisses you off, complains or nags, trot it out, suck it up.
It works well when someone complains that you haven't done something.
Get to it kiddies.
And to all those who've met me in the flesh or emailed me using the phrase or word of the month, thank you for paying attention and delivering said phrases and words to my inbox or ear 'oles.
Suck it up, or suck it up, bitch
If someone's jealous of you in any way, tell them to suck it up, bitch. It's preferable if the bitch in question is actually a bloke. I love calling men bitches. It works, really.
If someone pisses you off, complains or nags, trot it out, suck it up.
It works well when someone complains that you haven't done something.
Get to it kiddies.
And to all those who've met me in the flesh or emailed me using the phrase or word of the month, thank you for paying attention and delivering said phrases and words to my inbox or ear 'oles.
Phrase of the month: How's that working out for you?
Phrase of the month for May is: "So how's that working out for you?"
Use it when someone's busily explaining why they made some decision, or choice in life. They've been banging on about why they're still with their uncaring boyfriend, or at a job they're hating. You don't need to make a comment. Just ask them, "So how's that working out for you?" They have to defend their position. It's fun to see what people say to defend themselves. It's not an attack, just a question on whether they think they're doing the right thing for themselves.
Get to it kiddies!
Use it when someone's busily explaining why they made some decision, or choice in life. They've been banging on about why they're still with their uncaring boyfriend, or at a job they're hating. You don't need to make a comment. Just ask them, "So how's that working out for you?" They have to defend their position. It's fun to see what people say to defend themselves. It's not an attack, just a question on whether they think they're doing the right thing for themselves.
Get to it kiddies!
Phrase of the month: Social snob
Yes, yes, I missed last month's phrase of the month. I was too sick, and too busy. So, shoot me.
So let's get right back on track, and get the phrase of the month for July happening. In an attempt to stop being so bitchy with these phrases, this month it is a neutral phrase, or at the very least, one that you can decide is a compliment or an insult.
Phrase of the month for July: "Social snob"
A social snob is someone who has great social skills, but is very choosy in who they give their time to. Some view this as a great skill, being able to easily differentiate between the whey and the chaff, and only give precious social time to those that are worthy. Others think this is a form of elitism that needs to be quashed and stamped out like a child's first moment discovering the joy of masturbation. So you can choose whether this is an insult or a compliment.
I am proud to call myself a social snob. I don't talk to everyone, but those I talk to generally end up laughing and having fun. Yessireebob, I am a social snob, and I fucking love it. So don't even try to talk to me if you're not well fucking cool and sexy, 'cos I am a social snob!
So let's get right back on track, and get the phrase of the month for July happening. In an attempt to stop being so bitchy with these phrases, this month it is a neutral phrase, or at the very least, one that you can decide is a compliment or an insult.
Phrase of the month for July: "Social snob"
A social snob is someone who has great social skills, but is very choosy in who they give their time to. Some view this as a great skill, being able to easily differentiate between the whey and the chaff, and only give precious social time to those that are worthy. Others think this is a form of elitism that needs to be quashed and stamped out like a child's first moment discovering the joy of masturbation. So you can choose whether this is an insult or a compliment.
I am proud to call myself a social snob. I don't talk to everyone, but those I talk to generally end up laughing and having fun. Yessireebob, I am a social snob, and I fucking love it. So don't even try to talk to me if you're not well fucking cool and sexy, 'cos I am a social snob!
Phrase of the month: Playing dead
Okay, so I didn't exactly do a phrase/word last month, but I was moving house and had no Internet connection for a while. I'm back, and almost alive, so here's the phrase for September. Thanks to KL (Scott Free) for doing the write-up. I was too trashed to see at the time of writing. :-)
Playing dead (verb, adjective?) -
It's happened to every single (single being the operative word) one of us. You get the phone number of the dog (stay with me, I'm going with the whole theme here), you either have just started something with a future possible paramour- (read fucked each other good and unproper) or you're in the early stages of the whole the game, you've got the number and you send that text. You know - it could be a simple "Love to catch up," or "Hey, when you coming back to take the cuffs off me bitch," or it could be "dinner sounds good give me a call and let me know when". It's gone into the phone text stratsophere and you sit back and wait with anticipation, and hopefully slightly wet pant, for the familiar vibrating/and/or/beep of the answered text from the object of your affection.
But wait.
And you do.
Nothing
nada
zilch
zero
bubkiss.
Did I send the message? Maybe it fucked up along the way and they never received it? Maybe you send another one, just in case, maybe not...either way your "hot to trot" boy or girl plays dead. That is, you hear nothing.
This is what KL (Scott Free) and I call, Playing Dead.
Well fuck they could be for all you know. No courtesy to even respond or indeed acknowledge you have received the text. Hell, even in myspace-land you can see the "read" or "unread" - (Afterthought - was this because good ole' Tom had had a few too many "playing deads"?)
Either way the dog is playing dead and you just have to hitch up your skirts and walk off into the sunset knowing that the rude fucks, are so fucking weak they don't even know good manners?
Special mention - Jeremy Piven, Ari gold of Entourage speaking to a red carpet interviewer at the Emmys, - the best insult ever - "You have real potential to be a human being."
ahhhhhh......
Enjoy September, and the beginning of Spring. It's a time to be alive, not play dead.
Playing dead (verb, adjective?) -
It's happened to every single (single being the operative word) one of us. You get the phone number of the dog (stay with me, I'm going with the whole theme here), you either have just started something with a future possible paramour- (read fucked each other good and unproper) or you're in the early stages of the whole the game, you've got the number and you send that text. You know - it could be a simple "Love to catch up," or "Hey, when you coming back to take the cuffs off me bitch," or it could be "dinner sounds good give me a call and let me know when". It's gone into the phone text stratsophere and you sit back and wait with anticipation, and hopefully slightly wet pant, for the familiar vibrating/and/or/beep of the answered text from the object of your affection.
But wait.
And you do.
Nothing
nada
zilch
zero
bubkiss.
Did I send the message? Maybe it fucked up along the way and they never received it? Maybe you send another one, just in case, maybe not...either way your "hot to trot" boy or girl plays dead. That is, you hear nothing.
This is what KL (Scott Free) and I call, Playing Dead.
Well fuck they could be for all you know. No courtesy to even respond or indeed acknowledge you have received the text. Hell, even in myspace-land you can see the "read" or "unread" - (Afterthought - was this because good ole' Tom had had a few too many "playing deads"?)
Either way the dog is playing dead and you just have to hitch up your skirts and walk off into the sunset knowing that the rude fucks, are so fucking weak they don't even know good manners?
Special mention - Jeremy Piven, Ari gold of Entourage speaking to a red carpet interviewer at the Emmys, - the best insult ever - "You have real potential to be a human being."
ahhhhhh......
Enjoy September, and the beginning of Spring. It's a time to be alive, not play dead.
Phrase of the month: Skinny Sundays
"Skinny Sundays"
It is the predilection of the girl about town to get on it on the weekend. I'm not talking cock, although that would be a wise move, rather it being drugs, drink, and debauchery.
Spankgirls have found that the payoff to such spankin' good times is not only adventures, but a fabulously flat stomach. The injested toxins appear to have an injenious effect on the pyhsique. Dehydration, lack of sleep, dancing and banging on, drains any semblence of water retention from the torso, and leaves one with a delightful concave shape. The cheekbones appear, (good God! I have cheekbones), the stomach flattens, and fat seems to disappear. Hence the Skinny Sunday.
Skinny Sundays you gotta fucking love 'em. Speaking of fucking, Skinny Sundays are the best day to fuck my friends.
Note. You do have to watch the Tuck-in Tuesdays or, Terrible Tuesday's as they were once known, as this totally invalidates all weight loss from the Skinny Sunday.
Spread your legs. Spread the word!
It is the predilection of the girl about town to get on it on the weekend. I'm not talking cock, although that would be a wise move, rather it being drugs, drink, and debauchery.
Spankgirls have found that the payoff to such spankin' good times is not only adventures, but a fabulously flat stomach. The injested toxins appear to have an injenious effect on the pyhsique. Dehydration, lack of sleep, dancing and banging on, drains any semblence of water retention from the torso, and leaves one with a delightful concave shape. The cheekbones appear, (good God! I have cheekbones), the stomach flattens, and fat seems to disappear. Hence the Skinny Sunday.
Skinny Sundays you gotta fucking love 'em. Speaking of fucking, Skinny Sundays are the best day to fuck my friends.
Note. You do have to watch the Tuck-in Tuesdays or, Terrible Tuesday's as they were once known, as this totally invalidates all weight loss from the Skinny Sunday.
Spread your legs. Spread the word!
Funny girls
A text conversation with Scott Free earlier tonight:
KL: The word stool gives me the shits
Ali: The word we makes me piss myself
KL: The word fart stinks
Ali: The phrase golden showers makes me wet
KL: I don't like the word spit, it sucks.
Ali: I don't like the word shag, it's fucked
KL: I don't like the word fellatio, it sucks
KL: The word stool gives me the shits
Ali: The word we makes me piss myself
KL: The word fart stinks
Ali: The phrase golden showers makes me wet
KL: I don't like the word spit, it sucks.
Ali: I don't like the word shag, it's fucked
KL: I don't like the word fellatio, it sucks
Phrase of the month: Dirty Brownie
I'm always so slack at this nowadays, but Scott Free and I still spend plenty of time coming up with them, so I should take the time to write them up.
This month's phrase of the month is "Dirty Brownie".
You what I hear you say?
Well, there's been an international rock symbol for a long time. You know it. You're at a gig. You want to scream out at a top moment in a song. You raise your right arm. You stick out your outer fingers, and tuck away your two middle fingers and wrap your thumb around those folded over useless fingers.
Well, now we have a use for them. The Dirty Brownie.
Here's a pic to show you how it works.
This is the girl's rock n roll hand sign.
What does it mean? Well, it looks a tiny bit like the hand sign we girls did at Brownies, but it's the adult version. There's rumour that one finger is a nice start, two are better, but three put a smile on your face.
Try this at gigs. Scott Free and I have been doing it for over a year. Very few people notice it, but it always makes us smile when we do it.
Spread your legs. Spread the word.
Brought to you by Spank Girls
Special credit goes to the lovely Melissa who coined the phrase at an afternoon pub session. She's taken the Dirty Brownie to England and will be spreading it there.
This month's phrase of the month is "Dirty Brownie".
You what I hear you say?
Well, there's been an international rock symbol for a long time. You know it. You're at a gig. You want to scream out at a top moment in a song. You raise your right arm. You stick out your outer fingers, and tuck away your two middle fingers and wrap your thumb around those folded over useless fingers.
Well, now we have a use for them. The Dirty Brownie.
Here's a pic to show you how it works.
This is the girl's rock n roll hand sign.
What does it mean? Well, it looks a tiny bit like the hand sign we girls did at Brownies, but it's the adult version. There's rumour that one finger is a nice start, two are better, but three put a smile on your face.
Try this at gigs. Scott Free and I have been doing it for over a year. Very few people notice it, but it always makes us smile when we do it.
Spread your legs. Spread the word.
Brought to you by Spank Girls
Special credit goes to the lovely Melissa who coined the phrase at an afternoon pub session. She's taken the Dirty Brownie to England and will be spreading it there.
Phrase of the month: Cold Cock
The phrase of the month for April is ...
Cold Cock
(n) An unsolicited text, email or photo describing or showing genitalia (often in a state of arousal) to another person.
(v) To send said text, email or photo to an unsuspecting person.
The key to this is that it hasn't been requested. You could be sitting on a tram, in an exam, or on a bus, in a rush. You could be with your Mum, having fun. Or with a lover, or your brother. You may be happy to receive the Cold Cock, but chances are you'll be shocked that it's cum at such an odd time, unrequested.
Admit it, you've all either sent or received a Cold Cock at some stage in your life. Maybe you've flashed your lover at an inappropriate moment? You know you have, admit it.
In the early stages of any relationship, it can be a lot of fun, or outright offensive. And that feeling can change by the time of day the Cold Cock is received, or from whom it has been received.
You could view it as a marketing strategy if you're well endowed, or artful at photography. If you send it to enough people, you might get one nibble, or lick. It's like a cold call late at night in a bar. Asking everyone in the room if they'll shag you. Someone's bound to say yes eventually.
Usage
I got a Cold Cock this morning. I was on my way to work, and it just appeared on my mobile phone. I was so embarrassed as a work colleague was sitting next to me and saw it. I had no idea it was about to cum (sic).
I sent her a Cold Cock at 5am. I know she'll love it cos she's a right dirty one and she's begging for it.
Oh my goodness! Another Cold Cock in my (in)box.
Cold Cock
(n) An unsolicited text, email or photo describing or showing genitalia (often in a state of arousal) to another person.
(v) To send said text, email or photo to an unsuspecting person.
The key to this is that it hasn't been requested. You could be sitting on a tram, in an exam, or on a bus, in a rush. You could be with your Mum, having fun. Or with a lover, or your brother. You may be happy to receive the Cold Cock, but chances are you'll be shocked that it's cum at such an odd time, unrequested.
Admit it, you've all either sent or received a Cold Cock at some stage in your life. Maybe you've flashed your lover at an inappropriate moment? You know you have, admit it.
In the early stages of any relationship, it can be a lot of fun, or outright offensive. And that feeling can change by the time of day the Cold Cock is received, or from whom it has been received.
You could view it as a marketing strategy if you're well endowed, or artful at photography. If you send it to enough people, you might get one nibble, or lick. It's like a cold call late at night in a bar. Asking everyone in the room if they'll shag you. Someone's bound to say yes eventually.
Usage
I got a Cold Cock this morning. I was on my way to work, and it just appeared on my mobile phone. I was so embarrassed as a work colleague was sitting next to me and saw it. I had no idea it was about to cum (sic).
I sent her a Cold Cock at 5am. I know she'll love it cos she's a right dirty one and she's begging for it.
Oh my goodness! Another Cold Cock in my (in)box.
Word of the month: Bless
Bless
The word "Bless" has many cultural religious connotations throughout human history. The word is loaded like the gun that blows infadels and religious zeaLOUTS (sick) fucking heads off. Spank girls have decided to reclaim the word Bless and reinterpret, redefine and make it playful. What! - I hear you gasp in shock...the word of the month has no sexual connotations no tawdry Benny Hill nudge nudge wink wink dirty-foul-mouthed-raise-your-eyebrow-with-a-smirk-innuendo. Yes. Spank girls can be nice...if you spank us hard and fast.
Bless is to be used at the end of a sentence when speaking about someone's behaviour or actions. For example, "he drank for twelve hours and still tried to fuck me....ah Bless." Or you can bring it out to soften knock out attack blows to people - as in "You really think you have a fucking chance. Look at me - look at you...Bless." or "Check Courtney at twelve o'clock he's trying to dance...bless".
Give it a go try it on...
spread your legs. spread the word.
The word "Bless" has many cultural religious connotations throughout human history. The word is loaded like the gun that blows infadels and religious zeaLOUTS (sick) fucking heads off. Spank girls have decided to reclaim the word Bless and reinterpret, redefine and make it playful. What! - I hear you gasp in shock...the word of the month has no sexual connotations no tawdry Benny Hill nudge nudge wink wink dirty-foul-mouthed-raise-your-eyebrow-with-a-smirk-innuendo. Yes. Spank girls can be nice...if you spank us hard and fast.
Bless is to be used at the end of a sentence when speaking about someone's behaviour or actions. For example, "he drank for twelve hours and still tried to fuck me....ah Bless." Or you can bring it out to soften knock out attack blows to people - as in "You really think you have a fucking chance. Look at me - look at you...Bless." or "Check Courtney at twelve o'clock he's trying to dance...bless".
Give it a go try it on...
spread your legs. spread the word.
Phrase of the month: You may kiss my cheek now
This month's phrase of the month is a week late, due to extreme laziness, work, and spending too much time setting up networking in the even-time. So, for those who have been waiting with baited breath, for fear of speaking and not knowing the phrase of the month, here you are.
"You may kiss my cheek now."
Use it during an argument or heavy discussion. When you're bored. Over it. They're still banging on and you want it to end. Rather than let them win due to apathy and boredom, follow this sage advice.
Listen politely.
Wait til they run out of steam.
Then quietly and sexily lean forward, presenting your best (facial) cheek. In a soft and sultry voice say, "You may kiss my cheek now".
It will stop them in their tracks, and laughter will ensue.
My dear friend Miss Fee Fee did it to me a couple of weeks ago when I was telling her that she was annoying me, while on a bender, and my argument made no sense nor was it of any real value. When confronted with this brilliant one-liner, we both started laughing, and I did, indeed kiss her fine cheek.
Spread your legs.
Spread the word.
Brought to you by Spank Girls.
"You may kiss my cheek now."
Use it during an argument or heavy discussion. When you're bored. Over it. They're still banging on and you want it to end. Rather than let them win due to apathy and boredom, follow this sage advice.
Listen politely.
Wait til they run out of steam.
Then quietly and sexily lean forward, presenting your best (facial) cheek. In a soft and sultry voice say, "You may kiss my cheek now".
It will stop them in their tracks, and laughter will ensue.
My dear friend Miss Fee Fee did it to me a couple of weeks ago when I was telling her that she was annoying me, while on a bender, and my argument made no sense nor was it of any real value. When confronted with this brilliant one-liner, we both started laughing, and I did, indeed kiss her fine cheek.
Spread your legs.
Spread the word.
Brought to you by Spank Girls.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)